The Pain of Pastoring

I Can’t Get No Satisfaction

 

We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.

– Jim Rohn

 

At the time of writing this book, the world is uneasy. I’m receiving hundreds of messages in my inbox saying Pastor, we love you, and we are praying for you and your family. There is an alarm at the gate for shepherds across the country. Why the sudden concern for the shepherd?

Shepherds have always provided a vital role in people’s lives. No doubt people love their Pastor, but it’s often not overtly expressed on a regular basis except though occasional special services. Currently, the world is at attention because of the news that a young mega-church Pastor took his own life. Seemly, the young Pastor had everything to look forward to, including a beautiful church with a large budget, an internationally recognized brand, a prospering family, and unwavering influence. He had ninety-nine problems, and money wasn’t one, yet he chose to take his own life. Could it be that the world is shocked at his age, which was the ripe young age of thirty? Could it be that it was revealed that he was currently in a series about depression and sadness yet suffering from the same ailments he preached to other people? Maybe it was the fact that people were shocked that he had personal issues.

The expectancy of people to think that the Pastor has no kryptonite is quite common. This Pastor, like others, are ordinary people with extraordinary gifts. They place their pants on one leg at a time, just like those listening from the pews. They bleed the same blood. They hurt the same way, and life challenges them as well. The only difference between Pastors and the rest of the congregation is that we have to lead others while bleeding ourselves. Although I advocate for being spiritually healthy, often Pastors have too small a budget to get away and heal while someone assumes responsibility. As a result, they have to stick close to the ministry and ultimately end up impacting their families and their congregation by smothering them with the blood from their wounds. The people they preach to are getting better, but the Pastor becomes a casualty to the process of others’ healing. So by the time the parishioners get well, the teachers themselves need healing.

 

JONAH

When a person first starts a church, they are naïve, like I was. They think their friends will support them, strangers will come, and families will assist in building and advocating for their cause. I learned quickly that whatever is moving becomes a target, and whoever motivates you to start often doesn’t have the money to help you get going. You become a target of attracting people who are looking for opportunities. They know the Pastor will be looking for a music minister. The church will be looking for ministers and assistants. People will attempt to marry your potential with their opportunity. If they feel you will have an inkling of anointing and momentum, they will jump on the boat and weigh it down with dead cargo. Jonah weighed down a cargo ship because of disobedience. Jonahs have a purpose, but everyone called is not called to be on your boat. As a result, Pastors lose vital cargo because of unprofitable weight. They shouldn’t be on your boat. When you grow as fast as our church did, it facilitated a significant need. People sniff out new Pastors’ needs like a wolf hunting for evening dinner. You think people who joined you have your heart’s interest, but they are after what’s in your hand. They are looking for you to lift them up and share the platform that God has given you. They don’t want your wisdom or words. They want a “way.” They want a way up, a way out, and a way to. These individuals will stick with you long enough to see if you’re going to win. If they are close to you, they will benefit from the spoils you gain from conquering challenges. Should there be a sign of trouble, they will literally jump into the enormous fish mouth to abort the mission they said they were supposed to support.

 

THE CALL

One of the stories that surfaced during coverage of the young Pastor is that he succeeded his father in ministry. Often times, we forget due to do the occupational pull that Pastoring is a spiritual vocation as well. Many times, a zealous young minister picks up a microphone and thinks that speaking is all it takes to pastor people. Ministry is much more consuming and takes much more than eloquent elocution! When God called the disciples during his earlier journey, they were professionals. Andrew was a commercial fisherman when he met Jesus. Mathew was a tax collector, and Luke was a doctor. Note how Jesus called upon them to drop their occupation to follow him. If it was possible to do ministry at the highest level part-time, then the disciples would have done both while learning from Jesus. This is not to say that one is not doing real ministry while being bi-vocational, but it lends the narrative that ministry done right takes full-time energy. One who is pastoring and working outside of the church is literally working two full-time jobs. They have to divide their loyalty to what they’ve been called to do and what they have to do to keep their households afloat. Each job takes a considerable amount of energy. Each one is important. Depending on the pull from the family or the ministry, it’s easy for a Pastor to get out of balance and become a victim to the lack of margin it takes to stay healthy spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically.

 

HE EQUIPS WHO HE CALLS

The calling is crucial. It’s vital because God equips who He calls. If you’re called to sing, then God equips you with a voice. If you’re called to be a surgeon, God equips you with decent eyes and steady hands. If he calls you to be a lawyer, He provides you with the uncanny ability to lie. (I’m just joking!) Your purpose is always an answer to a problem. If you’re the answer to a problem, then you’ll have the necessary equipment to help solve that problem.

God’s equipping is much like a painter having a brush, a carpenter having a hammer, a singer having a voice, or a lawyer having logic. Although anyone can buy a stick, use logic, try to sing, or pick up a brush from the local Home Depot, when you have been called to something, you’ll excel in using what’s in your hands, ingrained in your heart, or lingering on your lips.

Across the country, people through their own volition have stepped into an arena in which they are not adequately equipped. God’s promise of protection often followed commands of obedience. If a person is not in purpose, they won’t fall under God’s auspices of security and prosperity. In church terms, we would say that a person is anointed for the job. To explain to those who may not be familiar with those terms, Isaiah Chapter ten talks about burdens being lifted and yokes destroyed because of the anointing. In essence, the anointing gives you God’s ability, including but not limited to wisdom, to remove stuff that entangles with us spiritually, emotionally, or existentially. When God calls those to the pastorate, He gives the ability to handle the hardships of ministry.

You may ask, then why write the book? It comes with the territory. You, in essence, are equipped if you say you’re called, right?

Yes, but there are unnecessary frivolities we have to battle that those outside the calling need to be aware of. It is challenging to build a house, while the one you’re paying to work is stealing your bricks. We are being abused without parishioners noticing. We are being taken for granted. We are experiencing unnecessary pain at the hands of people we are called to pastor. We are being bitten by the sheep that we help free from the jaws of the lurking wolves.

 

WHEN GOD SAYS NO

David had desired to build the Kingdom. God declared to him, because of the blood on his hands, he wouldn’t be the instrument to construct his greatest desire. God had to tell him no. Instead, he let his son Solomon build a state-of-the-art facility. I feel like David sometimes. I moved to Jackson, Mississippi, to attend one of the local law schools. It had always been in my heart to become a lawyer. I had it all planned. I was going to go to law school, open a firm, and sue Disney. That’s right. Sue Disney. I knew just by their presentation that their employment structure was unfair to people of color. Lo and behold, I was right. Years later, a renowned lawyer by the name of Willie Gary sued them for over a billion dollars and won. I would have been set for life!

I mention this narrative because, like many other Pastors, I had ambitions to do something else. I didn’t go into ministry because it was ideal. I didn’t go into ministry because I thought it was an easy way to garner income. I always operated at a high level in my prospective disciplines. With four degrees, I could easily do other things. I was drafted. Pastoring was the furthest thing from my mind, and I was under the impression that a call into ministry was a call into poverty. Where I am from in Mississippi, we had no clue about the mega-ministries and the few television Pastors who live comfortable lives. Just to make it clear, there is nothing wrong with having a great living from the fruits of your labor. My motives were pure. I was upset, yet I yielded to the call. I left my dreams and aspirations of the legal field and entrepreneurship for the ministry. I had options, but I chose the one that God had called me to. God had said no to what I wanted, so I said yes to His will!

 

UNSETTLED

The church climate has definitely changed. Looking at...